Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
