Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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