They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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