Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
