My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
