i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
