i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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