ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
