I bet he comes in French.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
