Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
