I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
