i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
