i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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