video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
