so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
