I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
