Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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