Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
