the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
