this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
