and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I forget how to act sober
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
