He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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