i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
