You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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