how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
