Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
