Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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