I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
