i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
