it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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