I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
