Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
