Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
