first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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