Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
