Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
