We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
