can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
