How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
