the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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