Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Drunk is not a location!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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