I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
