I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
