i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
