OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
