3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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