New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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