why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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