Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
