Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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