I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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