This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
