Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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