am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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