he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can you bring me the toilet please
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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