i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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