so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
