It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
