His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
