I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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