I think i sorta joined a cult last night
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
