Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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