Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
