im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
