Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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